Every time I think that I will be the mother for the second time it brings up a lot of emotions.
Firstly I never though I will be the mother of boys, I always imagined myself with a girl.
Having my first son changed my life, from the day we brought him home and getting to know him, his unique personality, we fell in love and are always learning about him. But days are long, and we get tired, and it’s easy to take it all for granted.
There are days when I miss being spontaneous and doing things as I pleased like eating ice-cream for dinner, watching a show until late now, there are little humans to take care of.
Having gone through different phases of motherhood, I must say I am in a good place now.
From the survival stage to the emotional roller coaster to the terrible two it’s been a busy season around here, but when you are tired, you start to overthink things.
Below I put together ten tips which totally changed my attitude towards parenting and also changed the whole dynamism of the family.
1. Not everybody has the privilege of being a parent.
People have all sort of struggles in life, but the idea that will have to live without children, for me has to be one of the worst. I remember when we decided to try for a baby I was so impatient; I couldn’t wait those two weeks to find out if we got pregnant. When we finally had our baby I remember thinking that I am responsible for this little thing, but I don’t own him, he is a person; he has his character, his own personality. It is my responsibility now to guide him in the right direction without interfering too much with his purpose. They have their dreams and ambitions, and we should respect that.
2. Don’t compare your child with others.
Oliver didn’t walk until he was 13 months and a lot of kids are walking by ten months. The difference is that Oliver started crawling at three months while the other ones maybe never crawled that’s why they had an early walk, so however you will compare it won’t be a fair comparison. We need to see our children as an individual with their ambitions and ways of developing and respect that without giving them low self-esteem because they don’t achieve things which others already did or based on our expectations.
3. Be fair with discipline
Try to make them realise the moral of the story and the consequences rather than with harsh punishments.Never tell off your child in public this can really make him feel embarrassed and his self-esteem can really get hurt, however, redirecting them from naughty things is necessary.
4. Don’t overflood them with too much love and kisses.
On the other side of the story too much love, kisses and hugs and accepting bad behavior is equally bad in the long term. A spoilt child will always have the feeling that he is entitled to have or to do whatever he wants and it is our responsibility to prepare them for the real life.
5. Be the example you want your child to be.
You can’t shout at your child telling him to stop screaming, expecting him to get quite. Most of the times this actions would only exacerbate things.
Try to get down on your knees to your child’s level and start observing the situation from their perspective. Try to find out what is the and why they are behaving inappropriately.
Approach the situation with calm and explain why he can’t have what he wants and give him an option to something that they can have.
Offering them options makes them feel in control especially after two years when they need every day more and more independence.
6.Make them feel safe in their home and never argue with your partner in front of them.
Children usually are afraid of raising voices slamming doors, and they can become either very shy and timid or angry and violent. If you have something to sort out with your partner wait until they go to sleep (usually this sorts out the problem completely) or if it is something important which needs discussing leave the room and sort it out in private.
Overall, the sense of belonging towards family should always accompany a child, and they need to feel that their parents are always there for them and they will be loved no matter what.
7. Spend time not money.
In the early days, I used to buy a lot of toys, and I always had the feeling that he needs more and more, but that wasn’t true at all.
Having too many toys made him not wanted to play with them, he was overwhelmed by the options and couldn’t even pick something. Now we do activities like cutting paper and glue things, or just move the lego blogs from a pan to another, and it totally fills up his cup.
8. Make your child respect you by making yourself worthy of his respect.
Win their respect and you won’t have to shout or say ‘because I said so’. This will come with time but we need to teach them how to talk and behave with us especially when they get into hitting and biting phase. Make it clear what is acceptable and what is not.
9. Show that you trust them and expect them to always to the right thing.
Never say ‘why are you always so naughty,’ never define you child like this. They will remember it and in time and they’ll start to identify with your words.
10. Relax, you are doing alright.
If you worry about all these things you are already on the good path. Wanting to become a better parent is already a good sign that you are one, just relax, take one day at the time and listen to your mom instinct, it is always the right way to go for me.
Hopefully, these tips on how to become a calmer and a more engaging parent will help you in your journey and I would love to know from you what are those A-HA moments that you had with your little one which really brought things into perspective.
Check out some of my other articles:
- Turn your picky eater around once and for all
- How to beat the stay-at-home mum blues
- Tips for being a happy stay-at-home mom
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